While no one ever likes the challenge of confrontation or calling the elephant in the room, there are ways to ensure the outcome of tough conversations can be directed by your expertise in communication and through using your emotional intelligence. They are the conventions, though, that are necessary to create peak performance in your team and continue to gain best results for the business. Often called tough conversations, these are the ones that challenge your communication skills and emotional intelligence. Opening ourselves up in this way can open up a new beautiful world we all deserve to live in.Building the courage to manage the hard to have conversations comes with the job of being a leader or business owner. Individuals and systems can evolve into a new, healthier dynamic through courageous, emotionally responsible conversations. Life organizes itself around what we put into it. Bringing care and compassion into the conversation allows us to take in this crucial new information, triggering personal and systemic evolution. Others can bring vital awareness to our blind spots. Courageous conversations allow us to challenge entrenched beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. Our beliefs are kept alive in our relationship network. If you can maintain a position of being willing to be wrong, you will stay open to learning more because there is always more to learn. This doesn’t mean you are wrong, but you must be WILLING to be. The pre-requisite for any courageous conversation is that you must be willing to be wrong. I’m sorry, and I want to try and listen to what you say because you’re important to me.”Īnd on that note, listen with an open heart and mind. “I have been thinking about what happened the other day and realized I was being defensive.

Focus on your contribution to the issue or dynamic you want to address, and own that. These kinds of declarations give the other person a reason to keep listening.

“I really want to have a good working relationship with you.” “You’re important to me as a friend”. This can also be communicated non-verbally, for example, by holding your partner’s hand. “I love you” should be the start of the conversation, not the end. We have to put care into the mix FIRST, explicitly. Even more commonly, we withhold our love and care when we’re upset and don’t put it back into the mix until the issue is resolved. That’s not how we typically think about it! We usually believe that connection is a RESULT of moving through the conflict. Starting with connection, then, is the foundation for resolving conflict. When we feel connected, our nervous system enters a ‘ventral’ state, which lets us think deeply and clearly, and access our best selves. We relax and feel safe when we feel connected. It could also look like acquiescence, a quick agreement and apology but no follow-through. This could look like hostility and defensiveness or avoidance and shutting down. If our words, facial expressions or tone of voice are hostile, we might trigger a ‘fight/flight’ or ‘freeze/please’ response.

Our nervous systems are wired to react to threats and often do so without conscious intent. However, HOW we choose to speak is critical. Real events in the present require feelings to be expressed and worked through. Despite what you might see in quick posts or soundbites from social media influencers, every negative thought or feeling isn’t just a trigger from the past. Intimate partners hurt and betray each other. Employees are consistently late for work or don’t meet expectations. Things happen that need to be talked about. How we navigate conflict in all our relationships is critical to where we end up. Life organizes itself around what and who we put into it. The small daily decisions we make determine our direction in life.

Courageous conversations i dont know